his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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