I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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