i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Randomize
