it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
