When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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