im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Even the bartender felt bad for me
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
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