My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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