i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Pants are for mortals
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