My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
