so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
only you would photoshop your dick
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
