Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
