I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
