I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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