You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize
