You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
