Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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