that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
