Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
