is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
