One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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