meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
