do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
