It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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