she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
We talked him into tasing himself.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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