"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
