i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
