I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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