The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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