hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
