Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
i now understand why vodka
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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