I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
