I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
