I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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