I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
and she was petting her beer can
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
