I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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