I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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