we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
