On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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