In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
