I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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