dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
this hospital has no fireball
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
