I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
