remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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