Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
