So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
