just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i will never coherently bang her
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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