I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
