She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
