Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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