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My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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