I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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