I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
